Chapter Two

After TJ left I sat and looked at the book he had given me. It wasn’t really a photo album; it looked more like a scrapbook. I ran my fingers over the front. I couldn't bring myself to look at it last night. I doubted that it would bring back any memories and the last thing I needed was to feel more frustrated than I already did. It was a beautiful book with butterflies all over it. As I ran a finger along the edges I realized that I was just stalling. This is my life. I have to do whatever I can to remember! As I opened the book my eyes fell on the 5 by 7 picture of TJ and I on the colourfully decorated page. Someone else had clearly taken this picture without us knowing. It was such an in the moment shot. I had my hands on either side of his face and was up on my tippy toes about to kiss him. I recognized the handwriting below the picture as my own. The caption read 'You’re my light in the dark' Danielle and TJ May 2006 That was only four months ago. I thought as I looked at the picture. I flipped to the next page and found a couple of brightly coloured post-its instead of pictures and began to read them.

TJ OSHIE! You are in so much trouble! I don’t know what you did to the TiVo but NONE of my shows are being recorded. FIX IT! Then in a different, much sloppier writing: Soap Operas kill brain cells. I’m doing you a favour.

“You used to leave me post-its on the fridge. You kept the ones that I wrote back on because you loved making scrapbooks and memory boxes. All that stuff.” TJ said from the foot of my bed. How long had he been standing there? I looked back at the book.

Teej! Wish I didn't have to go to work, but you’re a superstar. You got this xxo Again the other handwriting, that I now knew was TJ’s, was there. BABE! We won 5 to 2. I got 2 goals for you. Wake me when you get home.

“Where did I work?”

“You waitressed.”

“What sport do you play?”

“Hockey.” He stated as he sat in the chair by the bed and started fiddling with his hat. Every time I see this guy he's got a backwards hat on. I made a mental note of that as I flipped the page. These pictures were of rooms. A living room, a kitchen, a bedroom. Then there was one of TJ with me in his arms bridal style. The caption read ‘Home is where the heart is’ Our First Apartment January 2006.

“We lived together?” I asked, looking up at him.

“For almost nine months.” He added with a nod.

“Really.” I said to myself as I glanced back at the pictures. “That happened fast.” I stated. Talk about spur of the moment. We had only been together for three months when we moved in together? I may not quite know myself...but I didn't think that I would do something so rash.

“Yah...well, nothing about me and you has ever been slow.” I glanced at him as he was grinning to himself. What was that supposed to mean? I guess he could see the confusion on my face and began to explain. “We fell in love with each other from day one.” As he set his eyes on mine I felt my heartbeat rise just like it had yesterday. I took a deep breath and flipped the page. This picture was again of TJ and me. I was starting to see a trend here. TJ had his arms wrapped tightly around me as if he was squeezing the life out of me and I was laughing hysterically. I grinned as this picture. I looked so happy...and so did TJ. This TJ looks so much different than the guy in front of me here with bleak, dismal eyes. “This was at the end of the season. We were..”

“At Tazer’s.” I said and his head snapped up from the picture. He was staring at me like I had just grown another head. “Jonathan, right? Am I wrong?” I asked, looking closer at the picture. Out of the corner of my eye I could see TJ’s knees bouncing nervously. “This is Tazer’s place.” I stated confidently. “He’s got that ridiculous Molson Canadian Beer sign up on the wall there.” I added, pointing at the picture. I grinned widely at him. I recognized something!

TJ nodded, but didn't look quite as happy as I would expect. “Yah. That's Tazer’s place.” He said in a small voice. “You remember Jonathan?”

“Uhm...I don't know. I know the name. I know that this was taken at his place, but I don't remember a face.” He took the hat off his head and ran his hand through his blonde shag before putting it on. “Is he a good friend of mine?”

“No!” He said quickly. “Well, yah...he’s a friend. But he’s my teammate.”

“I remembered something!” I told him happily.

“You remembered something?!” My mother shrieked as she came into the room followed by my dad and Dylan. “Hi TJ.” She said, hugging him. “What did you remember?!”

“Tazer.” TJ stated. Why did he sound so bitter?! I remembered something! He should be happy. Dylan’s eyes widened as he looked at TJ. Suddenly I got the feeling that there was more to this. I was sick of people doing that! Making expressions at one another when I said something or did something. I didn't like it that everyone knew more about me than I did. I was about to ask what the deal was when the doctor came into the room.

“Good morning Danielle!” He said, grinning at me. “I have some good news.” Thank god.

“What is it doctor?!” My mother spoke up.

“We have all of your test results back. Your blood tests were fine, the cat scan was good...everything looks normal.” He said as he scanned through some papers.

“Oh thank god!” Mom exclaimed as she hugged my father. How could that be? If everything was normal I would have memories. I would know my best friends and my boyfriend and I would actually remember!

“So we will be discharging you this afternoon! Mr. and Mrs. Avery...we need you to come to the front desk to fill out some papers.”

“Of course. We’ll be right back sweetheart.” My dad said as he and my mother followed the doctor out of the room. I sat there quietly, feeling completely and utterly baffled.

“You happy to go home, Dani?” Dylan asked. I glanced up at him.

“No!” Both TJ and Dylan looked at me, startled at the volume at which I shouted that. “Everything looks normal?! What exactly is normal about me not remembering anything? How is it normal that I don't know you?” I said pointing to TJ. “How is it normal that I know you but don't know why I know you?” I said motioning to Dylan. “EVERYONE knows me better than I know me.” I said through tears. “That is NOT normal!” I put my head into my hands frustrated with this and embarrassed that I couldn't control the tears. Instantly I felt weight on the bed next to me and an arm go around my shoulders.

“You’ll get it back, Dani.” TJ said. That was the millionth time I’d heard that in the last three days and now more than ever I felt that it was far from true.
- - -
I glanced at clock. 2:25 pm. I was fully dressed with my stuff packed, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed while four people were arguing just to my left. I glanced out the window trying my best to ignore them. I wasn’t too sure how I felt about leaving. This is the only bed I know. Sure it’s just been a couple days...but I don't know anything but this room. I also am 100% sure there is something wrong with me. I begged the doctors to do the tests over but apparently that would be a waste of time that could be used for another patient. I am just fine. I let out a sigh. It was easy for a doctor to tell me that I’m fine...they don't have to feel what I feel. On the up side...I was happy to be getting away from this hospital food. I glanced to watch the war unfolding at the foot of my bed. My mom and dad were standing directly across from TJ and Dylan and each side was taking a turn yelling something to the other. You see...I’m getting discharged at 2:30. Mom and Dad want me to come home with them, but apparently TJ and Dylan expected that I would stay here. I didn't know what the outcome would be...all I know is that they've got 5 minutes to figure it out.

“So, what? You’re taking her back to Sioux Falls?! To South Dakota?! You’re just gonna take her 5 hours away from her life? From me?!” TJ spat at my parents.

“TJ she needs to be home! To get better!” My mother replied.

“THIS IS HER HOME! Our apartment is her home!” He screamed back at her. TJ and my mother had gotten along great these few days. I never expected I would see them battling it out like this.

“The doctor said there's nothing wrong with her.” Dylan stated. “She needs to get back to her normal routine to try and speed up her memory. That's what he said, Mom!”

“I think all of this will be way too much for her to handle.” It was dad’s turn to throw in his two cents and received a glare from TJ. “TJ I know how hard this is for you that she doesn't remember you...but our main focus is Danielle!”

“You can’t take her away from me!” He responded sounding desperate. Dylan put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring look. I could tell that my brother and TJ must be pretty good friends.

“Mom, Dad...I get that you guys had a big scare with this and you probably don't ever want her to leave your sight again. But can’t you see that she belongs here?”

“Well I'm sorry Dylan, but that's not up to you to decide.” I drowned them out once more as I picked up my notebook that I had written some Danielle facts in. My eyes fixated on one in particular. My boyfriend loves me. I glanced up at TJ. He was fighting so hard to get me to stay here. He looked like it was taking everything in him not to completely freak out and go punching stuff. He took his hat off his head and flung it across the room in frustration. Obviously he and I had something...he wouldn't be like this if we didn't. I probably owed it to him to give this a shot and at least see if anything here in Grand Forks sparks a memory.

“GOD DAMMIT!” TJ shouted and I took that as my cue to jump in.

“I’m staying here.”